portrait of the autist as a young whatever

1) what is this system of behaviour, i do not understand it & all my intuitions seem wrong

2) i shall study this!!

3) i have systematically theorized the norms & values of this system and will act in accordance with them, even at the expense of other norms & values i have previously theorized but am not currently obsessed with

4) ~surprising amounts of success that also conceal devastating blindspots & imbalances & failure~

5) wait these norms i’ve “mastered” instrumentally are maybe actually intrinsically quite fucked???

6) wait i’ve misunderstood everything oh oh oh fuck

7) “rebellion”/collapse

8) recovery & recalibration

9) repeat, perhaps with mitigation

10) maybe begin to notice a pattern

11) maybe begin to correct for it more adequately

12) wonder if it’s like this for everybody

13) is it

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